Mothersday thoughts

So that's a wrap on my second Mothersday as a mom. We decided to take Ben to the Aquarium for the first time followed by lunch and milkshakes at the Fire and Ice hotel. I've been wanting to take Ben to the aquarium for so long and what better day than Mothersday. When we got to the very first tank with all the brightly coloured fish husband quickly ran off to the bathroom and Ben and I had a few minutes alone. As I stood there with my tiny person in my arms watching his face light up as he excitedly pointed at the pretty blue 'Dory' fish I suddenly got so emotional. For a minute I could not actually believe I am mom on Mothersday. I could not believe how much I love this tiny perfect person. I was just feeling so thankful and so very lucky.

I have a little confession. The night Ben was born and they showed him to me the first thought that popped into my head was "I can't decide if he's pretty or not" I looked at him and it wasn't a face I recognized. There was no immediate overwhelming bonding feeling. I did not experience that 'love at first sight' moment most moms talk about. My head was just so busy processing it all. After all the wait and all the "I wonder what he'll look like? Will he have your nose and my lips" conversations he was suddenly here right in front of me.

Don't get me wrong I liked him. I liked him a lot. When I held him in my arms there was wonderment and I had that butterfly's in tummy feeling. I could not stop looking at him. Was this tiny person really mine. But love? I just didn't know him well enough yet to be using that word. It was like the first bit of a very promising relationship. You know this could be something amazing, you really really like him but its just too soon to be using the word love.

And so we went home. And we got to know each other a bit better. And I became very attached to this little person. I could stare at him for hours. I wanted to be around him all the time. I missed him when he was sleeping. But love... Was this the huge crazy love everyone was talking about.... I just wasn't sure...  And then I started to stress about it. How will I know if we bonded properly. How will I know when I love him. I was just so stressed.

There was never this huge light bulb moment where I was like "Okay wow, I feel it now. Yes its definitely love"" No, it was something that just happened. I just woke up one morning and the doubt was gone.

Now its difficult for me to remember a time I did not love him. I try to think back to those first few days of  struggling to figure out my emotions and doubting my love for him but I cant because it feels like I've been loving him forever. I love him so much that sometimes I'm a little scared my heart won't be able to handle all the love. You will never really truly get the whole 'I'll take a bullet for you' thing until you become a parent. I will take a bullet, a train, a lightning bolt for him. I'll fight a lion without giving it a second though.

Loving someone that much is a little scary but also so flippin fantastic.

To my most amazing mom: Hope you had the best Mothersday. Thanks for loving me this much. Then to my Ben: Thanks for letting me kiss and hug you about a million times a day. Thanks for all the smiles that make every day so damn special. I am ridiculously excited to be your mom.

Hope you all had the best mothersday!

Easter, Family and a quick catch up.

From about mid March I've been eating, sleeping, breathing Easter weekend. I could not wait for the long weekend to arrive. I needed a break, a bit of time to relax, time with the family. It was the in-laws turn to get us for Easter and husbands older brother and his family who live in the UK is visiting so everyone was extra excited. They have a little girl aged 4 and a little boy turning 2 in May. The last time the cousins were all together Ben was only 4 months old.

Things started off a little rocky. Ben was terribly shy at first and David was not keen on sharing toys but after a good nights sleep they woke up the next morning ready to play. There were lots of climbing, racing, pointing and giggling. They were just ridiculously cute together.

I really am enjoying this age. Sure there's tantrums and Ben can go from happy to awfully upset within seconds but there's also a million laughs. He is such a character and has the best sense of humour. He loves to entertain and he smiles all the time. He has amazing ball skills and loves to kick the ball around. He is obsessed with cars or 'Ka' as he calls them and has major bike skills. He takes a corner on 2 wheels just about tipping over often making me jump up thinking he's about to crash, but he never does. He roars like a lion, applauds the loudest when he does something awesome and loves, loves, LOVES chocolate. He would pop the entire Easter eggs into his mouth and it was terribly funny watching him try eat the whole thing at once.

His laugh is infectious and I adore the effect he has on other people. You cant help but be happy when around him.

I cannot believe we are already in Autumn. It was very evident over Easter weekend as we pulled on the wintery PJ's and often needed a jersey in the morning. I am a summer person and get terribly depressed during the long winter months. I hate the darkness, the grey, the pale skin. Luckily we had a nice sunny day over the weekend to enjoy a bit of beach time.

April means its my last month at the current job. I cannot believe I am almost at the end. That first month was so difficult. I'd often drive home from work and thought of just not showing up the next day. I had to learn so much in a very short amount of time. A lot was expected of me and although at the time I thought they were going to break me I actually survived. I feel a lot more confident in myself knowing I climbed this mountain and although I wanted to quit many times I didn't.

I've also been eating much healthier lately (except for easter weekend of course) and have lost 5kg's since I started end of February. My skin looks better, my clothes fit again and I don't feel a 100 years old anymore. I've been able to put a bit of cash into my credit card clearing up some unwanted debt and husband received a very nice bonus so after a few very hard months we are doing so much better. I'm happy. And I say that not with a "but are you really?" as an afterthough like I did a while back  I really am feeling okay with life.

We speak the same language

One of my favourite bloggers and fellow mama Cass did such a cool post over on her blog Miss Cass Lee called "You know your a mom when..." I could totally relate to all of it, especially the scoop poop out of the bath bit. I'll never forget the first time it happened (yes it has happened more than once). I was just so mortified.

I loved her post so much I just had to do my own little list.

You Know your a mom...

When you smell the butt of a tiny person during a conversation or in a public place like its the most normal thing to do.

When the appearance of a tooth gets a Wimbledon win like applause.

When you and the husband quote phrases from the tiny persons favourite movie in adult conversation.

When a runny nose catches you off guard with not a tissue in sight and you end up wiping it with the bottom of your dress.

When you are still listening to the nursery rhyme’s CD 15 minutes after you’ve dropped your kid off at school.

When the bottom of all your sliding doors are covered in tiny Peanut butter hand prints.

When the fact that you are spending your Saturday morning in Toys R Us rather than wine tasting with your friends doesn't bother you one bit.

When your husband asks you where the Marmite/pasta/cereal is and you answer “In the Flings Cupboard”

When you spend 20 minutes talking to total strangers in Woolworths because they have a little boy the same age as yours.

When you become a parent you belong to this huge community of people who all speak the same language. You can be total strangers but you will always have something in common. And that's just fabulous.

Holidays are best!

It's the end of January (already) and 2015 is leaving us with little time to stop and smell the roses. The holidays feel like it was ages ago. That feeling of being well rested, tanned and healthy sure didn't hang around for very long.

So what did we get up to during the holidays...

December is without a doubt my favourite time of year. I love the Christmas holidays. The way everyone has a little spring in their step as they countdown the days to freedom. Christmas music, fairy lights, hot summer days spent at the beach.

To me December holidays is a time to let go and just be. My rule is no hair dryer no make up. Barefoot, no jewellery, not even my wedding ring. This year it took me a little longer to get in that carefree frame of mind as I started a new job a few weeks before the holidays and it weighed heavy on me. I really battled with my new responsibilities and workload. But I soon realised that I was ruining what was suppose to be fun times with my family stressing over something I can do nothing about. So I just let go and ended up having the best time.

We always split December holidays between the families. One year we'll do Christmas with my family and New Year at the inlaws and vice versa.

This year we had Christmas with the in laws on the West - Coast.

I use to love Christmas eve and all the excitement that came with putting on Santa hats and gathering around the tree to open presents. But there came a point where Christmas lost a bit of its magic. I started seeing Christmas the way most grown ups do. But that's the great thing about having kids, they renew your enthusiasm and appreciation for special days. I absolutely loved watching my little guy running around pointing at gifts, the tree, lights and entertaining all the guests with his antics. I loved the look on his face as Santa handed him his gifts and how he'd clap  after opening each and every gift.

 

 

Next up was Christmas number 2 and New Year with my parents in Malgas on the Breede River. We had a bit of bad weather at first but New Years day was just gorgeous sunny and hot.

 

 

How awesome is this chrissy gift.

 

We returned home on the 3rd of January and I started work on the 7th.  My motto for the year being 'just take it easy' Work is work.  I will not let myself get so incredibly stressed to the point where I feel like I'm going to pass out. If its not done by the end of the work day it will have to wait till tomorrow. Family first. And so far it has made such a difference. I no longer dread going to work. I no longer feel like I'm drowning. When I get overwhelmed by something I get up go make some coffee and remind myself its just work. So one month into the new year and things are going okay. 

 

Bye 2014, Hello 2015

'The past couple of weeks I've been reading a lot of  'My year in review' post from some of my favourite bloggers. So many amazing things got listed. This made me think about my own year...

How to describe my year? I survived.

2014 was definitely a roller coaster ride. There were many highs but unfortunately also many lows. I laughed till eye cried and then there were days where I just cried. Ben turning one was definitely a very big high. Moving into a bigger house was a high (but moving from the town we love and have lived in for over 6 years to a new area was a low). Brother getting married a high. Best friend announcing her pregnancy a high. But then turning 32 a low. Getting the phone call telling me I got the job and having to go back to work after 7 months of being with Ben all day every day; a low. Going back to work caused quite a few weeks of feeling hopeless and depressed. Tears for days. I felt incredibly trapped in circumstances I could do nothing about. Its still something I cannot deal with. In November I started a new job and so far its not going great. Its an extremely stressful  position and I am not one to deal well with stress. This job is the main cause for my lack of 2015 enthusiasm. But hopefully this will change ass I settle in.

It has also been an incredibly tough financial year. Its hard not to turn into a mean jealous and bitter person when everyone around you is spending money buying cars, houses, diamond rings and overseas holidays and you are barely making it from paycheque to paycheque. I hate how it has changed me. I've been so negative, resentful, stressed and short tempered.  But I'm also incredibly thankful for what I do have. I know if I had to choose between money and my little boy it would be the easiest decision ever. I'm incredibly lucky to have a supportive family and a husband who is working his ass off to get us out of this situation.

A while back I read a quote by Roseanne Barr "As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job" This pretty much sums up my achievements for the year. NO I didn't excel in a career. I'm no girlboss. But I did my 'job'. I kept my little person happy and healthy. And I did a damn fine job. Now I was recently told that life isn't just about kids. And for some people that might be true. But I'm 100% Mom. I eat, breathe, sleep being a Mom. Its what I live for. It makes me happy.

Lion King Party DIY

I am lucky enough to have the most creative, talented, DIY queen of a mother. I have an idea, I tell her and she makes it. Usually 10 times better than what I had in mind. Ben's first Birthday party was no exception. 

Here are some of the amazing things my mom made for the party.

Screen printed Lion cushion for tiny party guests.

 

Photo Booth Props - Simba, Nala and Pumba headpiece and tail

 

Birthday Boy Lion Cub outfit

 

One cookies

Lion King 1st Birthday

This post is way overdue. But it has taken a bit of time to gather all the photographs from the grandma's my brother and everyone else with a camera.

They say one year olds don't really understand birthdays yet, they don't appreciate the day. That a first birthday is mainly for the family.  Well the look on my little guys face as everyone sang happy birthday is a memory I will cherish forever. He may not know what the day was for but he definitely knew it was for him and enjoyed every minute of it. So NO, a first birthday isn't just a formality for the family.

I decided on the Lion King theme way back when he was about 3/4 months old. Hakuna Matata was playing on the TV and my little dude gave his first proper laugh out loud giggle as he stared wide eyed at the television. He loved Pumba and Timon. Shortly after my dad bought him a Pumba stuff toy and the deal was sealed.  Also Lion King is my favourite Disney movie.

My mom made all the gorgeous and delicious animal themed biscuits and they were a big hit with the kids.

 

Ben's birthday is in August a month notorious for it's stormy weather.  The week Ben was born the whole Western Cape basically flooded and I was so worried we'd have to deal with the same the week of his birthday. Luckily the bad weather held out for the week after and we ended up having the most perfect, very hot, day.  Not a breath of wind, which is weird for Strand/Somerset West.  We decided to have the party at my aunt and uncles brand new house (they moved in 2 weeks before the party) as they had a large undercover area outside in case of bad weather. 

 

 

 

 

Games and entertainment for the kids are crucial. It doesn't have to be expensive hiring of clowns and jumping castles. We had a plastic slide from Mambo's and lots of those colourful crazy store balls and the kids loved it.

 

 

 

 

It truly was one of the best days of my life.  I loved seeing my little guy run around playing with all the little party guests, sampling all the sweet treats with icing all over his face. The astonishment and curiosity as gifts were opened and tiny fingers exploring every single gift.  It was a day made of 100% happiness.

 

 

My tips for a 1st Birthday party:

 

- There will be lots of running around the morning of the party, picking up balloons, setting up   tables, getting food sorted. Its a little crazy. Make sure you appoint someone beforehand that will be in charge of getting the guest of honour down for a pre party nap, getting his bottle in and changing diapers.  You will not have time. And that pre party nap is crucial.

 

- Make sure you have enough food for the grown ups. After the complete rush of getting their kids ready and out the door on time for your party will mean you have starving parents.

 

-  We had wine, champagne and beer for the grown ups but if like us you have lots of breastfeeding moms attending remember the ice tea and water.

 

- MOST IMPORTANTLY do what makes you happy. Kids parties have become the topic of lots of gossipy moms. You get tuned for either not making a big enough deal of it or for making too big a deal. "Party packs and favours oh my gosh what a waste of money" or "That party must have cost her a fortune. So over the top" This is your child's birthday so you do what you want. First birthdays only come around once.

 

 

 

Keep an eye out for PART 2: All about the party DIY'S

To the moon and back

The day I did the pregnancy test and it was positive I spent a good few hours completely speechless. I was in complete shock and disbelief. Then when I got the message from the doctor later that day confirming that my blood tests did in fact confirm I was pregnant I could not stop smiling. It was true and we were over the moon. And then my thoughts jumped to the nursery. I've been excited about decorating a nursery for years. Pinning baby rooms long before the decision was made to try get pregnant.

Luckily I have the most creative mom who can make anything happen.  At around 34 weeks (yes, we left it very late) we finally had a clear idea of what we wanted and we went to work.

The very first purchase was the crib. I wanted something plain, not too bulky. We found the perfect crib with waterproof mattress at the Institute for the Blind's shop in Worcester. Duvet inner and cover was bought at Mr Price Home.

Next up was finding the perfect wall colour. The best place to go for paint is Paint and Decor in Stellenbosch. They are any creatives dream. We left with quite a few sample's but none of them were right.  They were either too blue grey or to beige grey.  We wanted something in between. A soft, warm dove grey. We gave them feedback on the samples, they changed a few things around in the mixing process and voila we got the most gorgeous grey. I am very tempted to paint my whole house this colour.

The rocking chair we bought at a second hand shop and had it covered with a very soft velvety type material. My mom knitted the gorgeous little rug and I just adore it.

The blue eared bunny was a gift from my Gynaecologist to celebrate the birth of my baby boy. Just one of the many reasons I love my gynae. He gifts little girl babies with rag dolls and boys with bunnies. They are specially commissioned and made by a special needs school in Stellenbosch. This really is such a great gift.

 His little closet was also bought at a second hand shop and is actually a very old doctors cabinet. It had this very weird hook in it that husband removed and added steel pipes for hanging clothes.  I painted the outside grey and the inside with black chalk boor paint.

The most important area of any nursery is probably the changing table as this is where you will be spending most of your time.  We got a work bench from Builders Warehouse and painted it white. We then had a piece of wood cut to fit the workers bench and covered it in a white fake leather material. Which worked out perfectly cause it's soft but also easy to clean.

The little canvas paintings above the changing table was another creation by my mom. Like I said, the women can do anything.

Then came all the pretty bits and bobs that I collected. They come from markets, Woolworths, Typo, Mr Price and even the Crazy store. The little wooden train was my husband's as a little boy and the elephant soft toy we bought on our honeymoon at the Knysna Elephant sanctuary.

I just couldn't find a mobile that I liked. They were all so brightly colored and plastic. At first I wanted to order one from ebay but then when I saw the 'I love you to the moon and back' laser cut piece from Doodles I knew I had to create a mobile with it. I painted the laser cut circle a buttery yellow and attached the tiny little dog's that were actually key chains from Woolworths. I just love the result.

It is definitely my favourite room in our house. And as we are moving to a new house end of June I get to create it all over again.