To the moon and back

The day I did the pregnancy test and it was positive I spent a good few hours completely speechless. I was in complete shock and disbelief. Then when I got the message from the doctor later that day confirming that my blood tests did in fact confirm I was pregnant I could not stop smiling. It was true and we were over the moon. And then my thoughts jumped to the nursery. I've been excited about decorating a nursery for years. Pinning baby rooms long before the decision was made to try get pregnant.

Luckily I have the most creative mom who can make anything happen.  At around 34 weeks (yes, we left it very late) we finally had a clear idea of what we wanted and we went to work.

The very first purchase was the crib. I wanted something plain, not too bulky. We found the perfect crib with waterproof mattress at the Institute for the Blind's shop in Worcester. Duvet inner and cover was bought at Mr Price Home.

Next up was finding the perfect wall colour. The best place to go for paint is Paint and Decor in Stellenbosch. They are any creatives dream. We left with quite a few sample's but none of them were right.  They were either too blue grey or to beige grey.  We wanted something in between. A soft, warm dove grey. We gave them feedback on the samples, they changed a few things around in the mixing process and voila we got the most gorgeous grey. I am very tempted to paint my whole house this colour.

The rocking chair we bought at a second hand shop and had it covered with a very soft velvety type material. My mom knitted the gorgeous little rug and I just adore it.

The blue eared bunny was a gift from my Gynaecologist to celebrate the birth of my baby boy. Just one of the many reasons I love my gynae. He gifts little girl babies with rag dolls and boys with bunnies. They are specially commissioned and made by a special needs school in Stellenbosch. This really is such a great gift.

 His little closet was also bought at a second hand shop and is actually a very old doctors cabinet. It had this very weird hook in it that husband removed and added steel pipes for hanging clothes.  I painted the outside grey and the inside with black chalk boor paint.

The most important area of any nursery is probably the changing table as this is where you will be spending most of your time.  We got a work bench from Builders Warehouse and painted it white. We then had a piece of wood cut to fit the workers bench and covered it in a white fake leather material. Which worked out perfectly cause it's soft but also easy to clean.

The little canvas paintings above the changing table was another creation by my mom. Like I said, the women can do anything.

Then came all the pretty bits and bobs that I collected. They come from markets, Woolworths, Typo, Mr Price and even the Crazy store. The little wooden train was my husband's as a little boy and the elephant soft toy we bought on our honeymoon at the Knysna Elephant sanctuary.

I just couldn't find a mobile that I liked. They were all so brightly colored and plastic. At first I wanted to order one from ebay but then when I saw the 'I love you to the moon and back' laser cut piece from Doodles I knew I had to create a mobile with it. I painted the laser cut circle a buttery yellow and attached the tiny little dog's that were actually key chains from Woolworths. I just love the result.

It is definitely my favourite room in our house. And as we are moving to a new house end of June I get to create it all over again.

I'm a mom on Mothersday!

I am beyond excited for my first Mothersday. Being a mom, what an amazing privilege. I am thankful for this gift every day, even when so tired that brushing my teeth is an activity that totally overwhelms me.

On this special day I would like to thank my baby boy, for he has taught me so much in his short 8 month old life that it completely blows my mind.

He frequently forces me to stop and take a second to appreciate something I would otherwise not have given a second thought to. Like the total amazement on his face as he watches the leaves on the tree blow in the wind. How he marvels at everyday mundane things like the good old washing machine. We are so stressed and rushed ALL THE TIME. Trying to get a million things done, feeling guilty when taking it easy. I love how Ben gets me to let go, making me forget about the huge To Do list as we just sit together and giggle.

 
I love how he keeps on reminding me of how great God is. As each new milestone is reached he just proves what an amazing miracle we are. How expertly we were put together.

I love how he has changed my relationship with my own parents. I have always been thankful for everything they have done for me, but you can only understand HOW MUCH they did for you once you become a parent yourself. You now understand all the worry, all the rushing to the doctor, all the tiredness, the overwhelming feeling off wanting to keep this little person safe no matter what it costs you.

I love how Ben has opened my eyes to how much my parents love me, not that I ever doubted their love, but when I look at my little boy and my heart wants to explode, knowing there are two people who feel the exact same way about me is just flipping amazing.

On this Mothersday I want to tell my mom. I get it. I fully understand you now. And my love for you is the biggest kind of love there is.

The hardest part

Being a parent is filled with challenges. The huge responsibility of keeping this tiny human happy and healthy can be overwhelming. The challenge of figuring out how to make the budget work after buying that bouncy chair, baby carrier or toy that every other mom told you, you simply must have. The challenge of finding time for your husband while knee deep in baby food and dirty diapers. It’s a constant juggle to try make it all work. But the biggest challenge you will ever face as a mom is dropping your baby off at daycare for the first time when all you want to do is be a stay at home mom. The guilt, the sadness, and the realization that someone else will get to experience the giggles, the sleepy smile after he wakes up from a nap, and possibly his first step or first word. This is what heartbreak is made off.

All my grown up life I’ve been searching for a job I can be passionate about. You know the kind they talk about when they say “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” I’ve had a few okay jobs, but nothing that even comes close to the one. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been the career orientated, success driven type who talk business at a braai. I just don’t have that need to climb the ‘corporate’ ladder

Staying home with baby boy was the first time I’ve ever felt like I actually dedicated my day to a worthwhile cause. For the first time ever it didn’t feel like I was wasting my time hoping 5pm would come around so I could go home and ‘live my life’. I loved not having to make small talk with grownups and fake concern for some job crisis. I absolutely adore spending my time with my little guy. 

But even though being a stay at home mom is the hardest, most stressful job you will ever do it is also the only job (except for interns) where you don’t earn a cent . And in today’s very expensive times a no paycheck job is just not acceptable. And so after 6 months of spending every single day with Ben I was forced to re-enter the work force.

The whole thing happened so fast. Husband came home and told me the PA at work was going on maternity leave in 2 weeks and they still haven’t found a temp to fill in for the 5 months she’ll be gone. I was told to apply for the position. I kept hoping, praying I wouldn’t get the job. And in between the hoping and praying I cried. Oh there was hours of ugly crying. Then I got the call to tell me my application was successful and a week later I started work feeling emotionally drained, defeated, and very trapped by my circumstances. It was a dark time. I have never been so sad in my life. The fact that I wasn’t talking to husband because I resented him for the fact that I needed to work didn’t help either.

2 months later and we’ve settled into our new routine just fine. I don’t cry anymore, work is going okay and Ben loves his daycare friends. But it still takes everything in me to walk out the daycare door every morning. That hollow feeling you have as you try to go about your day as if nothing’s wrong stays with you every single day.

But this is not a new story. This experience is not unique to me. Moms having to return to work happens every single day. But this doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. Knowing there’s so many other women walking around with this kind of pain and heartache is just the saddest thing ever.

I have 3 months left at the current job and I am hoping to then find a part time job. Part time jobs are hard to come by but I’m keeping the faith. I also have a few sideline projects I’m working on so hopefully everything works out for the best. Holding thumbs.

My favourite baby products - The diaper bag

When we first decided to try for a baby, we weren’t as financially strong as we would have liked to be, but as the clock was ticking we decided that waiting would be foolish. And except for the delivery/hospital part, how expensive can a tiny little baby be? They just poo and sleep. Its only once you start paying school fee’s that you need the money and by that time we’ll be sorted. Oh poor naïve us. When that shopping list of “Must haves” came I nearly fainted. From the pram to the baby carrier, bouncy chairs and car seats, babies are expensive.

Luckily I wasn’t too picky when it came to the big money spender; the pram. We got a very reasonably priced 3 wheel Chelino with infant car seat from BabyBoom and then a second hand Maclaren stroller which I actually use most of the time. Our bottle warmer, steamer and a bunch of other goodies we bought second hand as well.

But every mom has that one thing that she’s fussy over. For me it was the diaper bag (and the baby carrier, but more on that later).  I wanted something functional yet stylish. I wanted a gender neutral bag cause I wanted husband to be comfortable walking around with it as well. There’s nothing worse than making a grown man carry a huge pink bag or one covered in Teddy or Toy Story print.

Nothing I saw in the shops were right. I down right hated almost all of them. I started looking on the internet and fell in love with the US Brand Skip Hop, that was until my Sister in Law from the UK emailed me about Pacapod Diaper bags.

I watched the promo video on the website and that was it. Sold.  It was completely out of my budget but it was exactly what I was looking for and I knew I just had to have one.

The Pacapod is stylish, functional, good quality and easy to clean. The bag consist of 2 compartments, one for clothes, toys, mom's keys.phone etc. and then another fitted with 2 mini Pods: a changing Pod and a Feeder Pod. These Pods can also be taken out of the bag and used separately or attached to the Pram. The Feeder pod is like a little cooler bag and once kids are older the feeder bag can be used as a lunch pack.

  I chose the Mirano Pacapod in navy.  It's also available in white.

 

  From their website:

“The PacaPod Mirano bag has taken its inspiration from Riviera chic and has a stylish mix of natural fabrics and soft leather, with fashionable buckle details to create a truly iconic silhouette. Tucked discreetly inside this cavernous bag (32 litre plus capacity) are PacaPods unique and detachable feeder and changing pod for storing baby feeding and changing items. All neatly wrapped up in a stunning baby bag outer.”

I ended up getting my bag as a babyshower gift from my Parents in law for which I am so very grateful.

If you have a bit of extra money and a friend who won't mind playing courier on their next trip to SA (they do however ship to SA, if you don't mind spending the extra cash) I would seriously suggest you look at a Pacapod bag.  I promise you won’t be disappointed.

*All images from the Pacapod website.